20 Things People Don’t Do In a Healthy Relationship

 

1. Get too serious, too quickly.

It can be tempting to contemplate the future with your partner, but to get there, you have to build on the present moment. You have to immerse yourself in the now with that person if you want to make the journey into the future with them. Take things day by day instead, and just enjoy the person’s company without feeling the need to live too far in the future.

2. Use the relationship to fill a void.

Many people look to others to distract them from inner problems or heal their own pain. While other people can definitely make you feel happy, you should never rely solely on them to alleviate emptiness or loneliness. Become so happy with yourself and your life that a relationship only adds to your happiness, not serves as your only source for it.

3. Never expect challenges or problems to arise.

Some conflict will inevitably occur in any close relationships. A disagreement here and there does not automatically mean that you and the other person should go your separate ways; rather, it just gives you both opportunities to grow closer and learn from one another.

4. Let the fear of getting hurt overwhelm them.

We all have been hurt in some way or another, but in the end, love will always prevail. If you really feel a connection with someone, see where it leads rather than cutting them off due to past pain. When you hold back, you halt any progression the relationship might make; healthy relationships require openness and vulnerability in order to last in the long run.

5. Withholding the truth.

When asked about the most important quality a person can possess, most people quickly say “trust.” If two people don’t have that, the foundation of the relationship will quickly crumble once the truth finally comes to the surface. Healthy relationships require two people committed to sharing their darkest secrets and most authentic self no matter what.

6. Expressing fake feelings.

Telling a person you just don’t feel the same way can cause discomfort, especially if the other person really likes you. Don’t ever feel wrong for letting them down – being honest with them, no matter how they react, will allow them to move on without getting too heavily invested in the relationship in the first place.

7. Repressing their best self.

If you don’t show other people your authentic nature, they will never get the opportunity to know the real you. By letting your inner light shine through, you will just feel more alive and can better gauge the connection between you and the other person.

8. Waiting for another person to approve who you are.

No one needs approval to simply be themselves – we can all express ourselves fully without having to check with someone else for validation. Healthy relationships should consist of two whole, confident people who have worked on creating their best selves and can offer this to someone else without reservation.

9. Holding grudges.

Even people who love you might hurt you unintentionally – to keep a healthy relationship, though, it requires forgiveness and understanding. Even if the incident means parting ways, letting go of the hurt is the only way to restore inner peace.

10. Living in the past.

Focusing on the wrongdoings and mistakes that people in your past made will only make you feel negative about your current relationship. Let go and leave those relationships where they belong – fixating on prior pain will only cause more to appear…what you resist persists.

11. Expecting their lover to always carry their weight.

People sometimes go through deep struggles that you may not know about. Understand that your partner can still love you, but just be unable to carry the burden of your problems on top of theirs at the moment.

12. Defining people solely by their flaws.

People in healthy relationships lift each other up, not cut each other down. Everyone has imperfections, but they don’t make up the totality of someone’s character. Choose to see the beauty in others, and you will see more of that in yourself.

13. Giving with expectations of receiving.

If you can only give to someone else when they promise something in return, you will always attract self-seeking types of people. Give just because you can, and you will inevitably gain more as a result. The universe will always offer the same energy that you give out.

14. Taking relationships for granted.

People need validation that they matter, even if they have a lot of confidence in themselves. Show or tell people you care, otherwise, they won’t feel like they make any sort of impact on your life, or contribute at all to your happiness.

15. Leaving during tough times.

True relationships can weather any type of storm, and don’t just stick around for the happy times. People in healthy relationships want to help one another through the trying times, too, because they genuinely care.

16. Trying to change the other person.

If you don’t like the other person as they are, you probably should find another partner who aligns more with your own values and personality. Healthy relationships thrive when both people absolutely love one another and can thoroughly enjoy each other’s company.

17. A need to talk (without listening).

Healthy relationships require some talking, and a whole lot of listening. Sometimes, the best gift you can give is silence. When you open your heart and ears to listen, you allow a space for the other person to talk openly and really be understood.

18. Staying with someone just because it feels comfortable.

If someone doesn’t encourage you to grow and create yourself by trying new things, it might be time to leave them behind. Relationships should help you reach new heights, not hold you back.

19. Feeling jealous when the other person succeeds.

You should feel happy when other people reach a new goal or accomplish an exciting feat – jealousy leads to self-hatred and will only impede your own growth. People in healthy relationships want to see the other person thrive and support their dreams.

20. Say “yes” all the time just to avoid conflict.

If you only say what the other person wants to hear, you will soon fall out of sync with your intuitive needs. Honor yourself always, even if that means disagreeing with someone. They will probably respect you more for speaking up, and you can usually find some way to compromise with the other person, anyway.

INDIAN SECULARISM

Secularism in India refers to the equal status and treatment of all religions.
     The dictionary meaning of the word ‘secularism’ is skepticism in matters of religion. But we, in India, use the work in a broader sense. We use the word to mean impartiality or non-interference by the Government of the country in matters of religion. Independent India is one of the largest states in the world of today with a population of nearly 120 crores. This vast population is made up of people professing different religions like Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, Jainism, Christianity etc. and practicing different religious rites.
One of India’s guiding principles in impartiality in religious matters. India wants her citizens to cling to any religion they like without any government interference. And this noble decision of the Indian Government is unequivocally proclaimed in the amended Preamble to the Constitution of our country.

Importance of Secularism in India:

 Secularism and Democracy are two remarkable achievements of independent India. These two achievements have stood the test of time and set the goal of the nation on religious and political fronts. The State, remaining free from religious obligations, can take a tolerant attitude towards every religion and can pursue the ideal of achieving the well-being of the people, irrespective of caste, creed, religion etc.

Challenges and Threats to Secularism in India:

         Secularism is, no doubt, an ideal principle. But in practice it is not so easy to follow. The vulnerable point in India is the deep religious sentiment prevailing among its different religious communities.
          Both Hindu and Muslim fundamentalists in India are whipping up this sentiment of the staunch adherents of these religions, most of whom are either illiterate or semi-literate. This is a threat to the Secular principles of India.
India, moreover, has failed to fulfill some of the important conditions laid in the Constitution. Education has not been given the priority that it deserves. The condition of backwardness – poverty, population explosion and environmental pollution – prevails in the country in alarming proportions. The fundamentalists fish in this troubled water.
         The secular parties, too, cannot exonerate themselves from their share of blame. They cannot ignore the existence of fanaticism in the body politic. It is very often seen that in the time of elections most of the political parties completely forget this noble ideal of secularism and woo the voters even on communal or cast lines. These acts are not done out of ignorance, but are due to compromise of convenience. It is the duty of the secular and democratic forces to rally behind those political forces that really profess and practice secularism.


The various aspects of Indian social life most affected by the process of secularisation are discussed below.

1. Decline in the Concept of Purity and Pollution:

         To understand and evaluate the process of secularisation and its impact on social change in modern India, we have to take into account the traditional values of purity and pollution So that we may know the difference between the traditional system and the modern Traditionally, purity was given an important place in the life of an individual and also in public life.
The concept of purity included the purity of body and mind, and development of spiritualism and a life of sacredness. Any person who violated the principles of purity was considered as impure and had to undergo certain rituals to purify himself so that he could become a member of the society and could lead a normal life. Under the impact of secularisation, there are profound changes in Hindu society regarding purity and pollution.

(a) Caste System:

       The traditional Hindu society was divided into four castes. The untouchables were not included in the four-fold division of the society. On the basis of the concept of purity and pollution, social distance was maintained between the four castes.
If a high caste person came in contact with a person of low caste, he became polluted and impure. Many actions are regarded as impure; in particular if a high caste person does actions reserved for the low castes, he will get stained by impurity. Similarly, the sentiment of untouchability is linked with this feeling of impurity. As a result of the process of secularisation, the traditional concepts of purity and pollution have declined in these aspects.

(b) Restriction of lnterdining:

        In traditional Hindu society, many restrictions were imposed on the high caste people regarding interdining. If a person of a high caste started eating meat and drinking wine, he became impure and had to undergo purificatory rites. Due to secularisation, restrictions on dining have disappeared.

(c) Occupational Purity:

       Traditionally, some occupations were regarded as pure and some as impure. For example, those castes which worked with their hands were regarded as impure because they had to touch dirty things. Therefore, high caste people were forbidden to do dirty works so that they may not become impure. The traditional idea of purity and pollution associated with occupation has declined. Now people of all castes are taking to all types of occupations.

(d) Purity in day-to-day life:

         Traditionally purity and pollution were associated with day-to-day life. For example, a person was not allowed to shave on Tuesday and Thursday. A woman was considered impure while menstruating and the food cooked by her was considered impure. A person coming into contact with the Barber was supposed to become impure. Under the impact of secularization, the concept of purity and pollution has declined. Now-a-days a menstruating woman freely moves everywhere and does all the household duties. She is no longer considered impure.
In the twenty first century we find that the traditional concepts of purity and impurity and the restrictions imposed on individual by tradition are declining. The English educated young men and women are averse to considering anything pure or impure merely because of religious sanction. Now the criterion of pure and impure is not religious scripture but the rules of hygiene. ,

2. Decline in the Rituals of Life Cycles:

        Traditionally, we find in Hindu society that many rituals have been associated with the life cycles. A person has to go through these rituals from birth to death. As a result of the process of secularisation, the life cycle rituals are coming to an end. The important rituals which are now declining may be mentioned in the following manner:

(a) Name giving Ceremony:

        Traditionally, we find that a Pandit was invited at the time of birth of a child who prepared his horoscope. Similarly, the Pandit gave a particular name to the child on the basis of the position of his stars. In this manner, a person had to have two names. First, the name given at birth by the Pandit and second, the name by which he was addressed in public life. Now-a-days the traditional name giving ceremony has come to an end.

(b) Upanayana Samskara:

          It is believed that every Hindu is a Sudra at the time of birth and he becomes pure only after the Upanayana Samskara. Therefore, he is called a twice- born; first, it is the physical birth and second, the life which starts after the initiation ceremony. As a result of the process of secularisation, modern Hindus have ignored this important ceremony of purification.

(c) Vidyarambha Samskara:

          Traditionally, the education of a Hindu child started only after Vidyarambha Samskara and a priest was called to initiate the child in process of education. Now no Vidyarambha Samskara is performed and people started the education the child as soon as he can move about in the houses. Apart from this, modern education has be cm secular. In this manner, the important Samskara of educates come to a 5 dine and this is the result of the process of secularisation in modern India

(d) Marriage Ceremony:

          Traditionally Hindu marriage was regarded as a religious sacrament and a person could enter into matrimony only after going through certain rituals. Now as a result of the process of secularisation, the institution of marriage is no longer regarded religious. On the one hand, some people a-e getting married through the court and on the other hand, even those persons who are getting married through Vedic rites have cut down the elaborate marriage rites and rituals as a result of secularization.

(e) To start a Business:

        Traditionally, it was considered necessary to rites and rituals before a person started any business. Now as a result of the process or Secularisation these rites and rituals as ceremonies connected with the starting of business have come to a decline.

(f) Status of Women:

        Traditionally it was regarded that a woman should follow the wishes’ of her husband because he was equal to God. As a result of the conception of Pati Parmeshwar the wife ate only when her husband had eaten and slept only when her husband had’ slept. Now, owing to secularisation, these rules are no longer followed.

(g) Religious Rites:

         Sandhya and Upasna: It was the duty of every householder to perform puja five to seven times in the day and only then his day became reasonably good. As a result of secularisation, the daily worship has been cut short and some people do no worship at all.

(h) Religious Functions:

       Traditionally, a lot of money and time was spent on religious ceremonies and functions but as a result of process of secularisation, religious actives ties have come to a decline. Even it a person goes to a place of worship or pilgrimage first of all he tries to find out a suitable place to stay in a dharamshala or a hotel and then a one he goes for darshan. In this manner, the feeling of religiosity is considered unimportant.

(i) Foreign Travel:

          Previously foreign travel was prohibited on grounds of religion and the concept of purity and pollution played an important role in hindering foreign travel. As a result of the process of secularisation, this is no longer so and hose people who go abroad have no longer to undergo purifactory rites to become ritually clean.
Thus it can be seen that the rites and rituals connected with the life cycle of an individual ‘are undergoing important changes. We are moving from religiosity to a secular way of life Changes are taking place in the status of widows, marriage institutions and attitude towards education.

FEATURES OF INDIAN CONSTITUTION

 

                 Typically, democratic constitutions are classified into two categories - Unitary and Federal. In a unitary constitution, all the powers are concentrated in a central authority. The states or the constituents of the country are subordinate to such central authority. In a federal constitution, powers are distributed among the center and the states. States are not subordinates of the center. According to Prof. Wheare, the constitutions of USA, Australia, and Switzerland are prime examples of a federal constitution. 
Dr. Ambedkar has categorically said in Constituent Assembly discussions that notwithstanding certain provisions that centralize the powers, Indian Constitution is essentially federal. Prof. Wheare and some other academicians, however, are hesitant in calling it a federal constitution and prefer to term it as "quasi-federal" or "federal with strong centralizing tendency".

               Though, it should be noted that even prof. Wheare accepts the existence of certain provisions in the American constitution, such as dependence of Senate on States, that are contrary to federal character. However, he says that while the principles of federalism should be rigid, the terminology of "federal constitution" should be wide. A constitution should be called federal if it displays federal character predominantly.

The following are the defining features of federalism;

1. Distribution of Powers between center and states.
2. Supremacy of the Constitution.
3. Written Constitution.
4. Rigidity of the Constitution.
5. Independent Judiciary.

All the above characteristics are present in the Indian Constitution. However, there are certain provisions that affect its federal character.

1. Appointment of the Governor of a State
Art 155 and 156 provide that the Governor, who is the constitutional head of a State, is to be appointed by the President and stays only until the pleasure of the President. Further, that the Governor can send the laws made by the state for assent from the President, who can veto the law. 
It should be noted that Governor is only a ceremonial held and he works on the advice of council of ministers. In past 50 yrs, there has been only one case (re Kerala Education Bill), where amendments to a state law were asked by the center and that too after the opinion of the Supreme Court. Thus, it does not tarnish the federal character and states are quite free from outside control.

2. Power of the parliament to make laws on subjects in the State list.
Under art 249, center is empowered to make laws on subjects in the state list. On the face of it, it looks a direct assault on the power of the states. However, this power is not unlimited. It is exercised only on the matters of national importance and that too if the Rajya Sabha agrees with 2/3 majority. It should be noted that Rajya Sabha is nothing but the representative of the states. So an approval by Rajya Sabha means that States themselves are giving the power to the center to make law on that subject.

3. Power to form new states and to change existing boundaries
Under Art 3, center can change the boundaries of existing states and can carve out new states. This should be seen in the perspective of the historical situation at the time of independence. At that time there were no independent states. There were only provinces that were formed by the British based on administrative convenience. At that time States were artificially created and a provision to alter the boundaries and to create new states was kept so that appropriate changes could be made as per requirement. It should be noted that British India did not have states similar to the States in the USA.

4. Emergency Provisions
Center has the power to take complete control of the State in the following 3 situations :

1. An act of foreign aggression or internal armed rebellion (Art 352) 

2. Failure of constitutional machinery in a state (art 356)

3. Financial Emergency (art 360)

In all the above cases, an elected state government can lose control of the state and a central rule can be established. In the first case, it is very clear that such a provision is not only justified but necessary to protect the existence of a state. A state cannot be left alone to defend itself from outside aggression. In the third case also, it is justified because a financial emergency could cause severe stress among the population, plunge the country into chaos and jeopardize the existence of the whole country. Such provisions exist even in USA. The second provision is most controversial. It gives the center the power to take over the control of a state. However, such an action can be taken only upon the advice of the governor and such an advice is not beyond the purview of the Supreme Court. In a recent case, Supreme court ruled that the imposition of Presidential rule in the state of Bihar was unconstitutional.

Thus, it can be safely said that Indian Constitution is primarily federal in nature even though it has unique features that enable it to assume unitary features upon the time of need.  

Features of Indian Constitution

Constitution was written by a committee headed by Dr Ambedkar. Took 2 yrs, 11 mos, 18 days. Adopted on 26th Nov (celebrated as Law Day), enforced fully on 26th Jan.

1. Longest written constitution - 447 articles, 26 parts, 12 schedules. Original US constitution had 7 articles and Australia had 128.

2. Establishment of sovereign, socialist, secular, democratic, republic.

3. Parliamentary form of govt.

4. Unique blend of Federal and Unitary features

1. Independent and supreme Judiciary - Keshavand Bharati vs State of Kerala & L Chandra Kumar vs Union of India

2. Advisory Jurisdiction of SC - Art 143 - Does not exist in US constitution.

3. Rigidity and flexibility 

4. Emergency Provisions

5. Single Citizenship

6. Single Electorate / Adult Suffrage

5. Positive Secularism - St. Xavier's College vs State of Gujarat , S R Bommai vs Union of India, Aruna Rai vs Union of India

6. Indian Socialism - Combination of Marxist and Gandhian ideology. Right to work is absent.

7. Economic Democracy

8. Other features

1. Fundamental rights - J Bhagvati in Menaka Gandhi vs Union of India 

2. Directive Principles - Unnikrishnan vs State of AP - Directive Principles are as good as fundamental rights.

3. Fundamental Duties